Throw out the schedule!

Most people who know me, know how passionate I am about breastfeeding and really advocating the benefits of it to others. It was also something I knew I would do as a mother. I wanted to exclusively breastfeed them for many of the reasons most of you have been beaten over the head with for a number of years. I was mostly concerned about the bond I would have with my children through this, and it really is one of the core ways I have bonded with them. What I didn't or couldn't realize at the time was just how bonded it would make me, and how much of a desire it would give me to meet their every need. So, it is really difficult for me to witness others that parent differently and in a way is truly detrimental to a child. This happened to me today at Ava's ballet class.

There is a mother of another student in her class that has a new baby only two and half months old. The mother seemed to be doing things very much along the lines of what I feel passionate about as a mother. She has worn her on a number of occasions in what appears to be a homemade mei tai sling minus the strap padding--very simple and functional. We have chatted a bit over the last month about how she is breastfeeding and what not. Because of these things, it shocked me with what witness this morning.

The mother picked up her baby and held her to her chest which immediately set the baby off with her rooting reflex. Now, amongst my group of friends, that is the point where you would see a boob whipped out and popped in a baby's mouth. Very natural, and a happy baby as a result. She did not react this way. I laughed and said, "Oh, she's hungry...aww...". To which she responded, "Oh, no. It isn't time to eat. She just ate and is not getting anymore." She held the baby away from her, and the baby immediately began to fuss and cry. She responded with by sticking the pacifier in her mouth.

I was a bit shocked at first with her reaction, and as the baby continued to fuss, my body actually began to react. I got that tingly feeling as my let down began to kick in. All I wanted to do was yell, "PLEASE FEED THE BABY!". I can guarantee the baby would have nursed herself calm immediately and drifted off to sleep. Instead, she continued to fuss and fuss until passing out asleep. Poor baby.

This just really feeds my passion to advocate for breastfeeding and, beyond that, for informed breastfeeding. There is a drive, particularly in the USA and with advocates from the Ezzo Babywise camp, to get babies on a schedule for everything like sleep and feeding. It has become a sign of good parenting if your child sleeps "through the night" and doesn't take up your whole day feeding. I suppose this is simpler for a formula fed child, but it is really a bad idea with a breastfed baby when you don't feed on demand or cue.

Not only is scheduled feeding dangerous by not sufficiently nourishing a baby the way they need and can lead to growth issues like failure to thrive, but it interrupts the attached bond between a mother and a child that comes by tuning into your baby's needs and meeting it. Babies don't understand how time works and that their hunger is not convenient for you. Yes, they are selfish. That is because their only concern is survival. Sorry that can't be scheduled. When that need is not met, it certainly does not build the baby's trust in their parent.

Believe me, nursing your baby on cue and being attached will not lead to a dependent child that won't leave their mother's side as seems to be the argument for forcing babies to be independent from birth. I have breastfed three children now. Two of them are still nursing. My oldest weaned successfully on her own and is now fiercely independent. I believe that was directly resulted from our strong attachment that created a secure child. My second child that is still nursing has always been a bit more clingy than her older sister. She is even beginning to come out of her shell and demand her independence. She knows she can always come right back for the comfort of nursing whenever she needs it. It is a beautiful thing. I think every baby...and mother deserves that.

If you would like more information about breastfeeding on demand you can check these links:
http://www.fix.net/~rprewett/evidence.html
http://www.breastfeed-essentials.com/schedules.html
http://parenting.ivillage.com/newborn/nbreastfeed/0,,3wvp,00.html
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-ppbreastfeed&msg=28980.3
http://www.breastfeed.com/articles/issues-for-mom/right-on-cue-2757/